Tonight was our last content filled meeting of Circle With Faith, or Christian Women's Fellowship, for 2018. We get together once a month and eat and have some kind of content, sometimes Biblical, sometimes not. When we started at the beginning of the year trying to think of speakers, we had a blank month and I volunteered to lead a Bible study if we couldn't think of anything to fill it. And we didn't, really. So...I led a Bible study tonight.
The last time I did this I was basically filling in for my boyfriend, who was the small group leader in college and I was his assistant. We were discussing the woman caught in adultery and I had a book that had a more interesting take on it than just reading and discussing the verses. It gave a little backstory and history that the Bible leaves out. It went over pretty great, considering I had 10-15 college freshman boys leaning forward in their seats, paying close attention, and eager to know what happened next. I figured if that book could grab the attention of 18 year old boys, the women in the church would probably be even more interested.
I led from the third book in the Bad Girls of the Bible series by Liz Curtis Higgs, Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible. I took us through two chapters, both on Leah, because the first chapter stopped in the middle of her story and it felt incomplete to just stop there. I spent a couple hours last week reading the chapters and wrote out about 6 pages of notes (not that much, trust me) and was ready to go, worried that I'd either only fill about 5 minutes or have too much and go for like an hour. I ended up being right at about 30 minutes or so, which was good, since we'd spent a while discussing other things.
A couple people had seemed interested in coming but couldn't for various reasons, so I'm going to attempt to write out what I led. If you're interested in what we talked about, read on. Otherwise, you can feel free to stop now. :-)
The first chapter was titled Leah the Unseen.
First, I asked everyone to describe Leah and Rachel, how they remembered their descriptions in the Bible. We don't have much for physical appearance for Leah except she had "weak" or "dull" eyes. This doesn't necessarily mean that she had poor eyesight. The Biblical standard of beauty for eyes was bright and sparkling and lively. The word used to describe Leah's eyes is rakkoth, which means tender, delicate, soft. So she had pretty or nice eyes. She was not ugly or plain. It's very likely she was attractive, but maybe meek and shy. Rachel is described as "lovely in form and beautiful."
So Rachel was the hot cheerleader, outgoing and spirited and beautiful, and Leah was the quiet, shy wallflower.
We start off Leah's story with Jacob. He had just finished running away from home, crossing the desert, having a run in with an angel, and had come to a well where a bunch of shepherds were gathering, waiting for the rest of their buddies to arrive. The custom was to wait until every shepherd was there before getting a few men to roll the stone away and watering the sheep. Jacob was filled in on this as Rachel approached. Jacob immediately jumped up and pushed this big heavy stone off the well, watered her sheep, then burst into tears. He was going through some things.
We don't know if it was love at first sight, but definitely after a month of living with her family, there was something. Her father, his uncle, Laban, approached Jacob and said something along the lines of "hey, you're family, but you shouldn't have to work for free. What kind of wages would you like?" Jacob responded with "I'd like to marry Rachel in exchange for 7 years of work." Laban's answer was "Better you than some other man."
Gee, feel the paternal love.
This is our first hint at Laban's greed. The typical bride price at the time was 30 shekels. A shepherd typically eared around 10 shekels a year. So Jacob was offering more than double the typical bride price for Rachel. Of course Laban jumped on it.
Jacob did something interesting there, in that he named Rachel specifically. He recognized that Laban was tricky and cunning and greedy, possibly seeing the same family traits in his mother, Rebekah (who was Laban's sister) and himself. He knew that if he was vague, Laban would take advantage of it.
The Bible says of that time that "seven years seemed like only a few days." Rachel and Jacob were waiting eagerly to get married, probably exchanging glances, taking walks, getting to know each other, becoming very close. Leah was watching the whole time, waiting for her own suitor to appear, possibly growing to care for Jacob in her own way, too. Maybe she even fall in love with him a little. We don't know.
Don't you wish the Bible was a little more descriptive with certain things?
At the end of the seven years, Jacob went to Laban and said "Give me my wife so I can have sex with her." No subtlety there. Anyone see Jacob's mistake? He didn't say Rachel.
Laban gave a wedding feast, and according to the book, there's never a feast for no reason in the Bible. It always indicates a plot twist. This time was no exception. Laban decided to swap out the originally asked for Rachel for Leah, her older sister.
As a kid, I always kind of wondered just how dumb Jacob had to be not to notice the difference. There were so many times I thought "surely he'd have noticed..." and yet he never did. Was he just blinded by God for some reason? It turns out, he wasn't that dumb.
Apparently, the wedding feast was always all about the groom, so the bride not being present wasn't a big deal. There was always a lot of drinking. His tent was to be unlit. The bride was covered in a thick, heavy veil that covered her face and most of her body until after the consummation (which how does THAT work exactly? Not exactly a romantic wedding night I wouldn't think). And she was to be presented in utter silence.
So Jacob wasn't just a drunken idiot. He had no reason to think there was anything hinky going on. He trusted Laban, a man he had lived with and worked for for seven years. This was his uncle, not some random guy he'd met somewhere.
So here we come back to Leah. She was almost definitely forced by her father. I don't think anyone thinks it was her idea. But how willing a participant was she? Did she resist at all? Did she cry over the fact that she was stealing her sister's husband? Or did she smile as she put on her sister's wedding clothes? Was she giddy about marrying her handsome cousin? Was this Laban's plan from the beginning or did it come to him somewhere along the way?
Whatever the case, she knew when she entered that tent, when she lay down with him, that she was not what he was expecting. And she still went along with it. It seems unlikely that she would have done this if there wasn't at least SOME kind of feelings for Jacob, but maybe she would have. Personally, I feel like she must have, but that's mostly because the alternative is truly heartbreaking.
Lessons to take away from this chapter:
1. When we compare ourselves to others, we're seeing their highlights and comparing them to our blooper reels. This has become a popular meme on facebook and twitter, but it's so true. We don't know the struggles and truth that others are dealing with, even when we have friends who are nakedly honest with us. There's always some secret struggle we don't know about. And as awful as we may think our lives are, others may look at them and think they are ideal.
2. We should put our trust in God, not other men. Look how well trusting Laban worked out for Jacob. (It actually turned out pretty ok, so this is kind of a weird one.)
3. Actions speak louder than words. Laban spoke like someone you could trust but given any kind of wiggle room was only too willing to double cross.
Discussion questions we talked about were:
1. Men are defined by their actions and women are defined by their appearance. How do you describe yourself? If you were to describe a friend to someone who had never met them, how would you do it?
2. Which sister, Leah or Rachel, do you have more sympathy for?
3. Was Leah "slightly" bad, or did she have no choice?
The second chapter was title Leah the Unloved.
When Jacob woke up the day after his wedding, he found Leah in his bed and immediately went to Laban. We don't know if she was awake, if they talked at all, nothing. He just went to her dad and confronted him. One translation used the word "raged." Maybe he was angry, not just because he had been tricked, but also because he was realizing this was an all too familiar situation.
Wearing someone else's clothes, taking a sibling's place, tricking a man in the dark to take something that can't be taken back....what does that sound like? Oh right. Rebekah and Jacob tricking Isaac into giving him Esau's blessing.
Told you this family was tricky.
Jacob asked Laban why and Laban came back with a lame excuse of "oh well, the older daughter has to get married first." Jacob has been there for seven years. You would think he'd know this, and possibly have wondered about unmarried Leah, so maybe that wasn't really a thing? Either way, Laban immediately says "finish this daughter's bridal week, then we will give you the younger one." No names. No romance. No caring for his daughter's feelings. He just wants seven more years from Jacob.
I'd like to kick Laban. And Jacob, since he agreed to it.
Can you imagine what kind of a bridal week Leah had, knowing that at the end of this, her husband was going to go shack up in a tent across the way for a week with her sister? And for Rachel, having to live in the camp for that week, waiting her turn? Super super gross. Just icky all around.
At the end of that week, Rachel didn't get a wedding. She just got Jacob. And all his love. Some translations read "Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah" but it might be more accurate to say "rather than." No one thinks there was any kind of physical abuse, but there was definitely emotional neglect, which is bad, too.
Poor Leah. She is described as "unloved," "hated," and "despised." Holy crap. Her husband hated her for not being Rachel. Rachel hated her for taking her place. Her father, Laban, hated her for being manipulated by him, because he's a real jerk and a kick might be too nice. Everyone hated Leah.
Except God. God loved Leah.
He saw her pain and saw that she was unloved and "opened her womb." We don't know how long they were married before she got pregnant, but surely she was eager. Having babies was the mark of a worthy woman. A woman without children was basically nothing. So Leah was definitely wanting babies. And boy howdy.
Her first child was a son, Reuben, which translates to literally "Look! A son!" Her first recorded words in the Bible are "The Lord has seen my misery." After Reuben was born, she said "Surely my husband will love me now." According to the book, the first words spoken by someone in the Bible are indicative of who they are. And hers are about misery.
Her second child was another son, Simeon, which translates to "One who hears." She says "The Lord heard I am not loved."
Another son, Levi, followed. Levi means to cleave and she said "Now at last my husband will become attached."
Baby four was yet another son, Judah, which means "Praise." This time she said "This time I will praise the Lord."
The first time the phrase "Praise the Lord" is used in the Bible it is by an unloved woman.
Judah is where Jesus genealogy goes through. God took the unloved, unwanted, unseen woman, and used her as a mother of Jesus. Not the adored, beautiful, wonderful Rachel.
Who, at this point, has no children.
Leah has decided that four boys is probably enough, so she decides she's not having any more kids. She gives Jacob her slave girl and through her, has two more sons, Gad (lucky) and Asher (happy). At some point, one of her sons brings home some mandrake roots and they were supposed to be good for fertility or something, so Rachel bargains her night with Jacob for the roots. I'm guessing it had been a few years, since Leah had a son old enough to go off foraging, so she agreed. And that night she conceived Issachar, which means "God has rewarded me for giving my slave to my husband." These names are kinda weird.
Leah wasn't done, though. Later came a sixth son of her body, Zebulun, which means "fine gift." And this is the saddest part of her story to me. She said "Now surely Jacob will accept me."
After probably a dozen years of marriage and SIX SONS she's stopped hoping for love and is now hoping for acceptance.
I kinda want to kick Jacob now.
She has a seventh child, Dinah, and there's nothing written about what Leah said. I had to look up what her name means, vengeance. I don't know if that's foreshadowing for her own heartbreaking story or kind of a middle finger to Jacob. I'd prefer to think the latter since I'm in an "I don't like Jacob" mood.
Even after six strong, healthy sons, Jacob still didn't love Leah. But God did. He saw her as a daughter who needed mercy, as a wife who needed love, and as a mother who needed a reason to sing. He gave her a bounty of sons.
I think Jacob did at least grow to respect her somewhat, because she was buried in the cave with his ancestors Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, and Rebekah, and where he himself was buried. But that may have been because she was the first wife. At the time, if a man had multiple wives, the less favored wife's children were given the benefits of the firstborn, even if they weren't firstborn. Leah's were first through sixth, so there was no doubt there. Rachel, favored, beloved, desired, died giving birth to her second child, Benjamin, and was buried on the side of the road. Oh how the mighty have fallen.
Reading this gives a little insight into maybe additional reasons why Joseph's older brothers tossed him down a well and then sold him into slavery. Not only was he the favorite child, his mother was the favorite wife while the rest of their mothers were second class citizens or less, desperate for scraps of Jacob's affections and attentions. It's hard enough with four children and one husband, I can't imagine four wives and thirteen children (we assume...most daughters were never named and Dinah may have only been mentioned because of her story later on.)
Lessons to ponder:
1. Leah didn't whine, even though she had reason. She didn't complain, she wasn't irritable or demanding, she didn't become bitter. She didn't lord over her younger sister that she had baby boy after baby boy after baby boy while Rachel's arms were empty. Leah endured poor treatment and neglect with hope and faith.
2. Naming was important. Choose wisely. Some of the names people are giving their kids these days are nuts, but if the meaning has significance for you, go for it. Issachar, amiright?
3. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. How would you describe Leah now? Would you mention her dull eyes or talk about her strength of character?
4. One sin won't cut you off from God's love and grace. Jacob had way more than one sin and he was one of the father's of God's chosen people. And he was kind of a terrible person. So there's that.
Questions we talked about:
1. What's worse, Jacob discovering the swap the morning after or Leah realizing her husband hated, despised, and rejected her the morning after? (Personally, there's no debate: Leah all the way. He gets over it, I don't think she ever did.)
2. Was Leah merely tolerated or do you think Jacob's emotions might have changed towards her? Yes, there were seven babies, but it was his husbandly duties towards her. It wasn't necessarily out of any affection. I choose to believe he did develop some kind of positive feelings towards her because the alternative is awful. I want him to have some redeeming qualities.
3. Does God knowing your heart and intimate details of your life encourage you or make you uncomfortable?
I definitely came away with a better appreciation of Leah and a lesser opinion of Jacob. Maybe I should study him sometime to like him again...lol
