I'm not good about asking for help for myself. I am slightly better at asking for help for my kids, but not by much. It's not pride or self-consciousness, it's a weird "well, they're probably too busy, I might as well do it myself." I have had a little bit of experience of no one even offering when I sort of needed it, so when I really need it, a part of me feels like it'll be a repeat of before. (Yeah, that's confusing but I don't want to call people out with specific situations so you get a vague intro.) As the news about Eden is making the rounds, though, everyone wants to help and that is so great. I really do appreciate the offers, though at this time I really have no idea what to tell you.
The main things needed with a newborn are meals, cleanliness, and time. Meals, I've got covered. My freezer and pantry are really full from my stocking up before she was born. Not to say we don't appreciate someone bringing us food, that's a freezer or pantry meal we can eat later. Plus I've definitely hit the "ugh, I don't want to eat any of this" so other people's cooking or take out is definitely welcome.
Cleanliness...well, we all know I'm not the best housekeeper, so my mom is helping out in that area and her housekeeper is going to start coming once a week starting Monday. My only issue with that is getting out of her way while she cleans. Its a good problem to have. She's cleaned for us before and she always does the master bedroom first so we can hole up in there and watch tv or read books while she hits the rest of the house.
Time is the biggest one and the hardest one to fill. I love my kids but I need time away from them to be a better parent. I'm exhausted just from having a newborn, not to mention the emotional toll her diagnoses have taken on me so the days that I don't have all three kids are precious to me. They're also the days we have doctors appointments so I don't get to nap much. I doze a little, wrapped around her body while she nurses and the boys leg wrestle on the bed and watch Thomas movies on Netflix. That's not terribly restful, but I'll take what I can get.
What would be great, but what I also understand is really hard for people to do, is for someone to take the boys or sit with Eden while I go somewhere with them for a bit. Or come hang out for a bit so I can have some adult contact that's not my family. Or sit with all three kids while I get away. Austin's good about this in the evenings, but its during the day that I feel most isolated. Not being able to go to playdates or MOPS or the grocery store is a bit stifling. Yes, I realize I don't get out a ton, but I do get out some with the boys during the week. And now that's not happening. I'm constantly tethered to a child in some way and if that's how it has to be for three months...well, we'll figure out a way to make that work without someone getting hurt.
Overall, we're doing ok. Eden is thriving, the boys are doting, and Austin and I are slowly starting to find our rhythm with three kids, me especially. We have our first visit with the cardiologist tomorrow and will hopefully get a little more information on what the future months are going to look like.
At the end of the day, though, we are appreciative of everything people are doing for us, even if it's just praying (which isn't really a "just"). Once we know more of what we need, we'll let people know, I promise. Right now, just keep doing whatever it is you're doing.