Birthday Girl!

It's Eden's birthday! We're all pretty excited. Birthdays aren't a huge deal around here, but they are noted.

I did something a little different with this post and we'll see how it works. I'm not entirely sure I've got it figure out, but here's a little video.

A couple things: the crinkling at the beginning is Mom trying to get a bulb syringe open. The first one was had was too stiff and we couldn't squeeze it so she as opening a second one to clear out Eden's nose and throat. We mention that it's about the same time I was born and that's interesting (to me anyway) because Eden's pregnancy and delivery were very similar to mine: We were both the first daughter after two sons (my sister is adopted), we were both born at home, we were both extended labors after short intense ones, we were born about the same time of day. She was supposed to have a room full of family and close friends welcoming her into the world like I did but she as too fast so no one made it into the room but Mom and Austin.

And here is our beautiful girl today, all decked out in her Wonder Woman tutu, onesie, and headband, because she is our Wonder Girl, our Amazon Princess. She's not terribly interested in smiling because she bumped her head a little while before this was taken.

Eden's Medical Fund

Mullins Update

I just finished up a week of bulk cooking and it was exhausting. I worked for about eight hours a day for three days and six hours the other two. I dealt with insane amounts of ingredients and washed my pots and bowls so much I kind of wished I had twice as many pots and a second stove. I almost went to my mom's house to borrow hers and next time I just might. lol

This time it's a little different than the last time. I was making food for other people. Who were PAYING me. That's awesome. The only issue with that was I used my two year old pricing information so undercharged them...but that's ok. lol Both overpaid me. :-)

The kids all felt the lack of attention for the week, which is a bit of a bummer for them. Asher and Elijah bounced between Netflix and trains and books and Minecraft and Eden spent a lot of time alternately in the pack-n-play set up in the kitchen so she could see me and in her bed napping. I listened to Anna Karenina, which is something like 34 hours long. We would have eaten out every night if I hadn't had freezer meals from the last time I did this. And they were the LAST freezer meals we had. I waited a bit longer than I usually do. lol

I didn't take any pictures but both refrigerator freezers and the standalone freezer are PACKED. I debated taking some stuff to my mom's but with a bit of repacking and shifting, I got it all in. And now that the orders of meals have been picked up, there's that much more space in my freezers. I just need to do an inventory now so I know what exactly I have. Or maybe we could not and just have a potluck every once in a while.

The kids are doing great. Asher just turned 5 and likes to remind us that "Well, now I'm 5 so..." or "I did that when I was 4." Because 4 was SO long ago. Incidentally, when he can't/doesn't want to do something, he'll say "I'm not 5, I'm only 4!" as if being 4 gets him out of having to be a contributing member of our family. On the flipside of that, we've told him that now that he's 5, he can do some simple chores and we'll pay him. So he gets excited about setting and clearing the table and running around and checking the playroom and their room to see if they need to be picked up.

Elijah is alternately angelic and devilish. He still has these crazy raging fits that just come out of nowhere but then ten seconds later he's the sweetest boy you've ever met. I just don't get it. I'm hoping it's the hole "half" thing I read about once that said kids kind of have a six month cycle where they're alternately problematic and angelic. He's been having a rough time the last couple of weeks. It's not like it was last year, and I really think it's just frustration with life in general and his frustration at his inability to communicate as well as he'd like. He also feels powerless a lot of the time because Asher is older and thus more in control...which is weird because frequently Elijah bests Asher in fights. I'm hoping this is a temporary thing and he'll grow out of it. He's just a kid and very much 3.

Eden is wonderful, as usual. She's growing and learning. Her most recent trick is standing up and she's not a huge fan of it. Well, standing's not so bad. It's sitting back down that's problematic. She's been on regular milk for most of the month of January and seems ok with it. We ran out of formula so one day I just put milk in with the little bit of breast milk she's still getting and handed her the bottle. She was hungry enough that she didn't even seem to notice and just gulped it all down in one go. Before, she was getting 24 calories per ounce and taking 24 ounces a day, so about 576 calories from bottles. Now she's taking 32 ounces a day that are about 20 calories an ounce, so around 640 calories from bottles, plus she'll eat a handful of cereal for breakfast and as much of our dinner food as we'll give her. And if I put her on the floor in the kitchen, she'll clean up whatever got dropped. She's got nice chunky thighs and a round little body...but still only the two teeth. It's amazing some of the stuff she eats with just two teeth.

Anyway, the kids are good, my freezer is full, the weather is thinking about warming up a little in the future, those are all things that make me happy. Check in next week for a special post about Eden on her birthday.

Where's the bucket full of popcorn and half gallon of soda?

It should come as no surprise to anyone that knows me to read that I like movies. I have literally hundreds of movies on DVD and blu-ray. And then I rewatch some of them because they're my favorites.

Every October, I watch scary or suspenseful movies. The last couple years were devoted to Hitchcock because those aren't as traumatizing to small children who might wander in. Some years, though, I do a theme of ghost (Session 9, The Changeling, The Others, Poltergeist, etc) or gore (Evil Dead, Cabin in the Woods, 28 Days Later, etc). Sometimes it's suspense like Panic Room or Red Eye. Anything that gets the adrenaline pumping is awesome.

There's not a ton of Thanksgiving movies, but I do try to watch Planes, Trains, and Automobiles every couple of years. John Candy and Steve Martin road tripping against their will is always going to be funny. For a while, our family watched Flash Gordon every year and that. is. terrible. As Dad would say, it's so bad it's good. It's camp.

Jaws, of course, is great for the 4th of July. Or really anytime of year. It's Jaws. What's not to love? Though if Jaws isn't your speed, there's obviously Independence Day because if you don't like blowing up sharks, you might like blowing up invading aliens.

There are plenty of romantic movies, both dramas and comedies, to watch around Valentine's Day and war movies to watch around Memorial and Veteran's Day.

My favorite time of year, though, is December when it's time for Christmas movies.

Growing up, we didn't have a TV until I was 10. Mom and Dad had a TV-VCR combo at the office for educational purposes and over the Christmas break they'd bring it home and we'd binge watch movies before that was really a thing. We'd all go to Videoville and everyone got one movie then we'd go home and watch them all that night and go back the next day. I saw a few movies I probably shouldn't have at young ages, like Lethal Weapon and other similar movies. I remember very little about those films but it was always my favorite time of year. Piling everyone on the foldout sofa bed to watch movies and roast marshmallows in the fireplace was so much fun for a little kid. The older kids probably didn't like it at much, but who cares.

When I got out on my own, I started doing my own version of movies in December. I started out with stereotypical Christmas movies, like A Christmas Story and Christmas Vacation. (I'm really not a fan of It's a Wonderful Life or White Christmas so I don't watch them if I don't have to.) I added in While You Were Sleeping at some point because I really love that movie. It's not TECHNICALLY a Christmas movie, though, so that began a new twist to my tradition: the non-traditional Christmas movies.

It's been disputed recently in our household what exactly that means. We've come to a fairly simple explanation. A Non-Traditional Christmas Movie (NTCM from now on) takes place at or around Christmas for the whole movie. Christmas is a key part of the plot, but not the reason for it. You could take Christmas out of the movie and it would still make sense.

Examples where the movie wouldn't make sense if it weren't Christmas: How the Grinch Stole Christmas, any iteration of A Christmas Carol (though the writers could probably figure it out), Elf, The Santa Clause, Miracle on 34th Street, Polar Express, Christmas with the Kranks, etc. The list goes on and on. It's easy to find traditional Christmas movies. It's not easy to find traditional Christmas movies that don't have Santa and since we don't "do" Santa, that makes it tricky for us.

Movies that meet the NTCM requirements might surprise you. This is MY opinion, so if you disagree, that's fine. But think about it.

Home Alone: family could forget Kevin at ANY time of year (and seriously, they do it twice. I don't feel like such a terrible mom when I think about that). Terrible parenting and frantic traveling happen all the time. Granted, it's more frantic at Christmas and there's more motivation for the thieves, but still. Could happen any time.

Die Hard: He could have been going to LA just to see his family, or for his kid's birthday, or whatever. It didn't HAVE to be for Christmas. They could have been having a party to celebrate a big merger or something. Same for Die Hard 2: She could have been flying anytime. Again, Christmas makes it easier to explain crowded areas, but it could be rewritten to be anytime.

Trading Places: it takes place around the holidays but the only part that really matters for that is the reading of the orange crops at the end. I have no idea when that happens in real life or of there's something similar that could be substituted, but I'm betting yes.

Gremlins: It's been a while since I saw this, but when I did, I'd totally forgotten that it took place at Christmas.

Love Actually: Christmas definitely helps to tie all the threads together.

Silver Linings Playbook: I can't remember, but I want to say it's around Christmas? I feel like I remember Christmas lights. I haven't seen it since it came out.

A Nightmare at Christmas is kind of in a gray area as to whether it's traditional or not. It covers two holidays, but Christmas is an integral part of the plot.

Movies that I personally think DON'T count as Christmas movies, even though they have Christmas scenes:

Harry Potter
Bridget Jones
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
When Harry Met Sally
Raising Arizona

So every year, we make a pile of our favorite traditional and NT Christmas movies and watch them throughout the month. It's fun and comforting and I look forward to it every year. It's probably my favorite part of the month, second only to the excitement from the kids when they open their presents. The shopping and hiding and wrapping and the cooking and cleaning and transporting and keeping track of are stressful and tiring.

So what'd I miss? What are your favorite Traditional and NT Christmas movies? What movies do I need to add to my roster? Nearly everything I've mentioned I own, which shows you have extensive our collection is. If you don't watch a movie with Christmas in it, what do you watch? We also used to watch The Sound of Music at Thanksgiving, but it's soooo long. I like to keep it at or under 2 hours.

Two out of four doctors agree, and that's good enough for me.

We had a cardio appointment today an I know you're all DYING to know what happened, so I won't beat around the bush.

The decision has been not to do surgery.

Yes, I realize we were told this back in August and then were thrown into limbo in September as we waited to hear from everyone and then in November were told "probably soon." It's been a roller coaster of emotion for me, too. Getting myself emotionally and mentally prepared to take my baby daughter half way across the country so a doctor I've never met can cut open her chest is not easy. And I've done it twice this year.

Dr. S heard from the doctor at Stanford, Dr. H, and he said he wouldn't touch Eden. Her sats are great, she's growing well, she shows no symptoms of any negative sort. According to Dr. S, Stanford is the hospital that does this heart the best, so she's giving his opinion a little more weight than the others. Dr. F in Dallas doesn't feel that her VSD (hole in the bottom) is big enough to properly do the double switch operation, so were he to repair her heart, it would involve a pacemaker, which would increase the likelihood of a heart transplant later in life and would almost definitely lead to heart block. As great as heart transplants are for people who need them, I really don't want Eden to be one of those people. Dr. B at Columbia thinks the VSD IS big enough and says he could do the surgery without heart block becoming an issue later on. Dr. S agrees that the VSD isn't big enough, so she was glad to hear that Dr. H agreed with her assessment.

As you can see, this kind of heart if controversial. Dr. S said you could show the same heart to three cardiologists and three cardio-thoracic surgeons and get 6 different opinions. Which is not terribly helpful to the worried parents.

Dr. S was brutally honest and said that she has not seen a lot of good long term outcomes from doing surgery to repair hearts like this on babies. They generally do much better when they're older, so obviously I want to wait even more now. Like, maybe 50 or 60 years. If we ever do it.

So yes, more wait and see. Wait and see if she gets bluer, wait and see if she continues to grow and hit her developmental milestones in an appropriate time frame, wait and see if she starts to get tired more easily and more quickly. All those will be signs that the right side of her heart is struggling and weakening and that will be the go ahead for the doctors to once again evaluate updated scans and tests and determine the best course of action.

Unfortunately, we have no idea when or if this would happen. Some people live their whole lives with no real problems, some start experiencing issues in their 40's, some in their 20's, some sooner. We will have to watch her her whole life. I really hope she's up for the constant scrutiny.

We'll see Dr. S again a couple of weeks after Eden's first birthday and then not again until June. We'll go to an every four month schedule instead of a monthly schedule and will go to Dallas for a sedated Echo once a year.

As for Eden's ptosis, we were thinking she'd have surgery before her June 2016 appointment. If and when we do something about that, Dr. S wants us to go to Children's for it. Currently, she's doing fine. Her vision seems to be just fine but if it gets to the point that it needs correcting surgically, they don't want surgeons in Abilene to touch her. We may go ahead and get a referral to a pediatric ophthalmologist at Children's and have them look at her next year, but we may not. I'm really hoping it's simply a cosmetic thing that she can live with for a long time.

This, I'm choosing to believe, is great news. I'm happy with it. I do see the side of "let's do surgery before she really starts to NEED it," but at the same time, I really don't want my daughter's chest to be cut open. Like, I can't even begin to describe how much I don't want that.

So Merry Christmas to everyone! It'll definitely be a happy one around here without this awful thing hanging over our heads. And she's such a happy girl, it's hard to be in a bad mood around her. She has the best smiles.

Waiting for the Christmas program at church. 

Smiling at Mommy

Time is passing me by and I've lost my watch

You guys. I'm 32 now. Thirty-two! How did that happen? And when? The line "I don't remember getting older" has been running through my head recently. It seriously feels like just a little while ago that I was in college and that was over ten years. Ten. Years.

Aging is such a strange thing. I think our minds kind of quit aging really around our teens. That's why it's so hard for us to realize how old we are sometimes. That's why time slips by so quickly. I don't feel that different emotionally and mentally now than when I was 16 or 17. More confident and self assured, definitely. More knowledgeable about a great many different things for sure. But older? Good lord no. It doesn't feel like 16 was 16 years ago. I've been driving for over half my life. I've been out of mandatory school for 14.5 years. I've been married for 7.5 years. I have THREE CHILDREN (who decided THAT was a smart move? Me taking care of three kids seems like a bad idea.) I've got a son who is almost 5 and I've been in this current house for over 5 years, the longest I've lived anywhere since moving out of my parents house to go to college. When I sit down to add all the numbers up, I get to 32 years old and it still doesn't make sense.

It's like trying to balance a check book: the numbers are all there and (hopefully) add up evenly, but sometimes it still doesn't make sense. Did I fall asleep and miss something? Did I hit a time warp at some point? Maybe that was it. Time warp makes as much sense as anything else. That or I'm secretly Rip van Winkle.

And then at other times, yes, I am ABSOLUTELY 32. The idea of going out to clubs or bars or taking wild vacations or drinking all night (you know, stereotypical 20-something behavior) sounds exhausting. I'd much rather sit at home and cross-stitch and watch Netflix or Hulu or watch a dvd or listen to an audio book. (Maybe I'm actually OLDER than 32, based on my favorite activities. I'm ready to sign up for AARP! Cripes.) Chasing my children around a park or playground is tiring. Taking a big trip SOUNDS fun, but actually doing it is so not fun. We recently went on our annual New Braunfels trip and it was a lot. Packing for three kids and myself away for four days and planning on cooking while we're there....well, I filled my car and Austin's with our gear. And we used every bit of it. We played the games, spread the toys across the floor, watched the dvds, ate the food, wore the clothes, changed the diapers, used the Go-Pod and the pack-n-play, mixed up the bottles, drank, then washed the bottles. The last 24 hours I was essentially on my own. Yes, family was around but it's still really me. And it was tiring.

I'm 32 now! I'm getting older! My hair is still thick and dark, but now the color is helped along. I've got shiny silver hairs taking over and pushing the dark ones aside. My skin is still fairly smooth, but it's starting to loosen and crease. My body is thicker than 16 years ago, and for good reason. It's been stretched and filled and emptied three times. I've been marked by my 32 years on this planet. I've been physically scarred, and torn. I've been formed by life and changed from who I was, like a lump of clay. And the clay has been painted and now the paint is starting slowly to fade and chip away, but the cracks could be beautiful, too, if I let them.

If I embrace my new 32 year old self, embrace the stretch marks and gray hairs and coming wrinkles (though my mom doesn't have many so fingers crossed), embrace the canvas and the paint, then I'll be setting a good example for my children AND making my life easier. Complaining about how I look isn't good for anyone. I'm soft for little heads to lay on and my hair is silver to shine in the darkness when they're scared and need Mommy.

It's been an eventful 32 years. Moves, deaths, marriages, births, work, play, sleep, sleeplessness, so much has happened. And so much is still to come.

But seriously. Thirty-two years. Time flies when you're having fun.

I was seriously a cute toddler. Look at me!

In college: scraping wallpaper in our tiny bathroom to repaint it. We found something like 4 layers of paper. Not even kidding. I still have that shirt. It does NOT fit as well as it used to. 

This past weekend at my birthday dinner. 

Ambiguity is kind of annoying, but also kind of not.

Sorry for the long delay! As I wrote, October is a crazy month for us normally and then the three kids all getting sick it made this year worse. November's been ok so far.

Today was Eden's monthly exam. We didn't have one in October, so it's been two months since the doctor has seen her. She was thrilled with Eden's growth and stats. Her oxygen levels have been great, above 90 even when she had croup, and her weight gain is good, too. She's active and healthy and happy and just a great little girl. She's up to 18#12 and 27.5" long.

When we saw Dr. S, she started off by telling me about her attempts to get Eden approved for the anti-body shot. The peer she did a peer-to-peer with is an oncologist who works with adults, so he didn't completely understand her description of Eden's cardiac anatomy. So he denied us. Dr. S has requested an appeal and is hoping that whoever she talks to will have a better understanding of the heart. We're all a bit skeptical.

Then, the part we've ALL been waiting for: surgical talk.

If you recall from my August post, Dr. S wanted to send Eden's chart and file to doctors at Stanford and Columbia to get a consensus because her gut reaction was to leave Eden alone for a while and not do surgery. There's a chance of heart block because of how everything is laid out, which would be bad. There's also a risk of heart block if they do nothing. Since she's not a surgeon, she wanted to get everyone's thoughts on Eden and see what they all thought. She's heard back from Columbia.

Dr. M is the doctor at Columbia and based on Eden's chart, he thinks he can do her surgery without the risk of heart block later on. He would want to do the surgery sooner rather than later.

Dr. F is the doctor at Children's in Dallas and he was initially saying he wasn't sure if he could do it without there still being a chance for heart block. He wants to do a heart cath once Eden is a year old and then potentially do the surgery shortly after.

I don't have a name for the doctor at Stanford, but a quick internet search only brings up one cardiac surgeon. They're having some kind of conference soon and Eden's case is going to be discussed. Hopefully Dr. S and Dr. F will get the info quickly after. Then, they'll sit down with all the info from all the doctors and be able to present several options to us. Afterwards, Dr. S said she recommends we talk to the doctors personally to ask any questions we might have.

We have final say in what happens, where we go, what surgery Eden has. The doctors are all there to help us make the best, most informed decision we can. Dr. S promised to be brutally honest with us as to her opinion as to what would be our best option, even if it's not them. No matter what, she'll be our pre and post care provider.

If we go with Stanford or Columbia's plan, we'd do the heart cath and surgery there....meaning traveling and being across the country for weeks. There's a slim chance that one of those hospitals will suggest a surgical plan that Dr. F thinks we can do in Dallas, and that's what I'm hoping for but I'm very skeptical.

So again, things are still ambiguous. But a little more definitive? Something. We're fairly certain that we'll be having a catheter procedure in the first three months or so of next year and very likely surgery shortly after that.

It makes me want to throw up.

I don't like hospitals or big cities and I despise the thought of Eden cut open and in pain during the recovery period. I hate the prospect of being so far away from the boys for so long. I hate the turmoil this is going to bring to my family and the uncertainty of the whole situation. I wish I could just ignore it and it would go away.

We're thinking we'll hear something definitive by mid December. Our next appointment is December 17, the week before Christmas. The next two months will be a lot of thinking and researching and talking and planning. And hopefully by this time next year, all the big scary stuff will be behind us.

In happier news, Eden is pulling up. She doesn't know how to sit back down so she kid of releases and falls, which makes her cry. I haven't gotten a picture yet, but she's pretty cute and SO proud of herself when she gets upright.

Austin has officially taken over as praise leader for Grace Falls at First Christian Church. So if you've ever wanted to sing or play an instrument in church, hit him up! He's looking for new blood for the band and pretty much anyone will be welcomed.

Eden's Medical Fund

She was fascinated by the baby in the mirror. 

Her hospital gown was a little too big. Maybe in a year or two it'll fit. lol

We Survived October!

It's been a while, I know. I'm sorry. In my defense, October is a bad month for us. Austin has the BEST robotics competition nearly every Saturday and works on it most evenings and this October, I had three weeks of the kids being sick, one after the other. I mean, I guess I appreciate that they didn't do it all together? But gah. It was not fun. When Eden woke up with croup after her brothers had had it the two weeks prior, I called the doctor and she just called in a prescription, saving me the $40 sickness visit charge.

Since I last wrote, mostly we've been dealing with the croup. First Elijah, then Asher, then Eden. Both boys started it off with vomiting and fever, then just the coughing and loss of voice that is croup. Elijah got done then two days later it was Asher and two days after him was Eden. Eden, surprisingly, handled it the best and Asher was the worst. Eden didn't throw up, she mostly just coughed and whimpered a little and was a bit more clingy than usual, but overall she did great. Asher whined and complained and cried and just generally got the short end of the patience stick because I was SO over it at that point.

Halloween was good for us. No trunk or treat by our church but the neighboring one had one that was pretty sad. We were the Ghostbusters family, with Austin and I dressed as Ghostbusters (t-shirts we got on Amazon), Asher a random skeleton (sure, why not), Elijah as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (costume crafting is NOT my strong point) and Eden as Slimer (she was perfect.) The kids and I wore our costumes for their Halloween party at FKO and then again on Saturday for the trunk or treat and then actual trick or treating in a friend's neighborhood. We came home with three buckets of candy. Not too shabby. lol

Mom organized the annual International Gift Festival (that thing has had so many names its hard keeping track) over Halloween weekend and I think it did pretty well. I haven't heard the final numbers, but when I was there working for 2 hours Saturday morning we had a steady stream of customers.

Austin's parents came down for the weekend to shop at the craft fair and to trick or treat with us. They wore t-shirts with the Ghostbusters logo on it, so they were part of the theme, too.

On Eden's medical front, we still have no news. I know, it's annoying. No one is more aggravated than me. It's been three months since the visit where we got the news we might not do surgery and no confirmation or denial of that. We didn't have an appointment in October because she's doing so well and there wasn't much need for one. Even with croup, her oxygen levels didn't drop much. She was in the mid-80s consistently during the spring and early summer but over the last several weeks, she's been mainly in the lower-90s, sometimes even the mid-90s. With croup, she was in the upper-80s.

She's crawling and thinking about standing up (she'll put her palms flat on the floor and straighten her legs into a standing position with her butt in the air, stand there for a moment, then sit back down like "well that didn't work." She still isn't a fan of baby food and does ok with table foods we give her. She loves puffs and yogurt melts and gnawing on basically whatever she can get into her mouth. Which recently has become her toes. Teeth into toes is not a sensation she cares for, yet it continues to happen.

So we're trucking along. Nothing terribly exciting happening around here. The kids are like puppies half the time, the boys rolling around wrestling on the floor while Eden gnaws on a toy nearby. Austin is finally getting to relax a bit since BEST is now basically over (there's a regional competition in Garland in a couple weeks) and I'm gearing up for the Thanksgiving expedition to New Braunfels. We have our next cardio appointment November 19 and I'm REALLY hoping they'll have something to tell us.

Until the next post, have a great week! Or month, as the case may be. In my defense, I only think "oh, I should post" at inopportune times, like laying in bed trying to fall asleep, or in the shower, or driving to somewhere. Never when I'm at home just hanging out.