Sunday, June 22, 2014

A few thoughts on the first trimester

In my experience, the first trimester of a pregnancy is about survival. You feel awful because you're tired, you have no energy, and there's nausea and/or vomiting. You just want to lay down in bed and sleep, maybe with an IV drip so you don't have to attempt to feed yourself. The IV drip is appealing because no food items are yet you have to eat SOMETHING so you and the parasite sucking your life forces away don't starve to death.

This is, for me, the trimester when I think "What the hell was I thinking, wanting to do this on purpose?"

All this is compounded when it's a second or third or more pregnancy. You already have a kid, you knew what you were getting yourself into (anyone who says they forgot is a dirty filthy liar...or just a moron) and you STILL subjected yourself to it, intentionally or not. Having to deal with no energy and horrific nausea while taking care of older children is the pits. Especially if those older children aren't TOO much older, but rather just enough older to still need a lot of help, like still in diapers or potty training.

I can definitely understand when women who are pregnant with a small child already deal with terrible depression. It's hard being pregnant for some of us, and when there's a small person holding you hostage with demands for food, bathroom assistance, attention, entertainment, affection, medical care, and more, it feels infinitely harder.

Asher's pregnancy was 10 weeks of nausea over a trip to Europe, a trip to New Braunfels, a move across the state, a home purchase, and a new job. Luckily, I wasn't working too much so I could rest when I needed to and just lay down whenever I felt bad. I had the lovely experience of throwing up in the international terminal of DFW and over the Atlantic on our way to London, then not being able to eat hardly anything while we were in Paris, which was damn near devastating. My companion was eating amazing sandwiches and drinking wine and trying to be respectful of my patheticness by hiding it a little, which made it a little worse. I do have to say, though, the chocolate eclair I had was AMAZING. And one of the few things I ate.

Elijah's pregnancy was so much sooner than we expected I had a baby in diapers for the entirety of it. His morning sickness didn't last nearly as long because life wasn't so stressful, but I was working 20 hours a week so the whole "lay down when I feel bad" thing wasn't an option. I didn't have any international trips or exciting stories about throwing up all over the place, but I did throw up in a box lid since there was literally no place else to go in time. Asher always found it highly amusing and would laugh when I threw up and was in tears after. Little sadistic turkey.

This time, we waited a little longer to get pregnant. I still have a kid in diapers, but only one and if we'd done the same time frame as before, I'd have had two during morning sickness. So there's a silver lining.

I'm 8 weeks in and the morning sickness is awful. I'm spitting a lot because of mucous (weird, I know) and so of course Elijah copies that. It's both adorable and gross. I finally got on some medication called Zofran which is amazing and knocks out the nausea. Still no energy and tons of exhaustion, but no more nausea! I can function as a human being again!

I'm so tired, though. I seriously could have slept through the mani/pedi/waxing on Thursday before the wedding. And I almost dozed off getting my hair done Saturday. Anytime I sit still, I'm in danger of falling asleep. If there's no reason I shouldn't, I just go ahead and get comfortable and do it.

So, yes, building a baby is hard work. And at first, it kind of sucks because there's no real upside to pregnancy yet. But finally, finally, the light at the end of the tunnel will come: the second trimester.

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